Welcome to Overcoming Shyness

Do you suffer from shyness or social anxiety?

Are you nervous when meeting new people or do you avoid situations where new people are present?

Could you use some clear and helpful advice to move you forward towards a positive, confident new life?

Would you like to get rid of the limiting problems and lack of self-esteem caused by shyness?

Shyness is a very common complaint, and for many of us it can be easily addressed
through the adoption of some simple techniques that change the way people consider their social interactions.

1. Learn from others – many people are shy – some have better coping strategies
Most people are shy in certain situations, though for some you would never know it. If there are people you admire, ask them what they do when they doubt themselves or feel shy. It may get you some useful tips and you will be talking to people about the one thing we all like talking about best – OURSELVES!
2. List all the things you are good at and then try to do those things everyday
You will have some things that you know you ARE good at. Make a list of them then focus on how you can do those things more and to the best of your ability. Real expertise gets noticed and people will come to you, to meet you on your ‘turf’ where you can be confident of your subject or surroundings. Use your ‘home-advantage’ to let people in to your world when they make the effort to contact you.
3. Find one friend and confide your shyness busting plan to them
It’s often the things that remain unsaid or unexplained that have the greatest power over
us. Try to find one person, a friend or family member to share your shyness beating plan
with. You may even consider asking them to help you or challenge you to achieving your
plans with some specific goals or targets. If you do this, ensure you also take time to
celebrate the successes you attain along the way.
4. Use TV or newspapers to find one ‘conversation starter’ every day
Shyness can just be a habit and so other habits can overlay the original behaviour. Use
current affairs or things of general interest as ‘conversation starters’. Many people will be
happy to talk - they’re just waiting to be invited. Every morning, scan the papers or the TV news for up to the moment items. Having a couple of good conversation starters which are current and commonly recognised will really help in getting you off to a flying start when you need to talk to someone.
5. Talk to one new person every day – ask questions
Now you have scanned the papers for interesting items of current news, USE THEM.
Make a commitment to yourself to speak to at least one person you don’t know each day. A good way to get started is through sharing experience and good manners. For example hold doors open or offer to give up your seat, anything that will get the other person to say ‘Thank-you’ or smile. When they do that, smile back and say something about the thing you’re both doing. When the person responds, ask them a question and from their response ask something else. Before you know it you will be involved in a conversation. Remember, questions give you the control and you can prepare some questions in advance.

6. Try reframing every bad situation to find a silver lining
Many of us do a really good job of seeing the worst outcome of any situation, all it takes is practice to do it well! Interestingly, you can see the best outcomes in any situation too. Try a mental exercise, every time you see something bad rack your brains to turn it round into the best or funniest outcome you can come up with. Pretty soon that mental exercise will become a habit and eventually become the way you think all the time. It might start off being difficult or unrealistic but eventually your mental agility will help you see the good side of situations and people and that will help with your communication with them.
7. Laughter is the best ‘cosmetic’ in the world, people find humour attractive
Seeing the good side is the first step to being funny. People who can see the funny side will always be in demand because we all like to laugh. Being funny can be learned. Practice or learn a few jokes and use them regularly, people will often match your joke with one of theirs, remember these jokes as it widens your range. While you’re trading jokes you are building relationships. In addition to this, your knowledge of current affairs, questioning and reframing will all help you to be able to tell stories that are both amusing and absorbing ….
Suddenly you’re interesting and funny (and in demand…).
8. Use an interest or a passion to expand your circle of friends
It’s much easier to talk about something your interested in or passionate about. If you don’t have an interest yet, get one, almost anything will do, but you will need to be fascinated by it. We make impressions by watching other. Watching someone who is passionate makes us believe that the person has something to offer. Develop a passion and allow others to see the thing you care about. People will come to you so you don’t need to go to them
9. Accept that the bad stuff from before is gone
We all have stuff that happened in the past that we didn’t like, but it can stay in the past
unless we relive it day by day. It’s better just to accept that it was painful then but you know better now and move on. Try different situations with new knowledge or experience and don’t dwell on the past. If some things weren’t good as experiences, be disciplined to take the learning forward but leave the feeling where it belongs, behind you.
10. Take time to look and feel the best you can be
Unless we live in complete isolation, we all show ourselves to others, no matter how much we might want to hide. It’s worth taking the time to look your best, no matter where you’re going. If you look and feel smart and well turned out, you will feel more confident than if you are untidy and scruffy. It might be like a ‘chicken and egg’ situation, but if you look the part, it’s easier to act it. Eventually it won’t be an act anymore, just the way you habitually feel. In time your chosen habit will become the reality. Looking good and feeling great will be seen by others as the image of a confident person, not one limited by shyness.

~ The Overcoming Shyness Team
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